When you're away, I'm restless, lonely, Wretched, bored, dejected; only here's the rub, my darling dear, I feel the same when you're near. ~Samuel Hoffenstein

I second that sentiment. Bored, restless and lonely, I decided to surf for a good quote about it and BINGO! Here I was, thinking about my family and how nice it is when they are around...my parents, Jim, cousins. The temporary uhm...we will call it reprieve from writing that they provide is nice. Once in a while it is nice to have company, people around other than the characters I so lovingly *cough* breathe life into. REAL people talking to me about REAL things, ones that want to hear what is on my mind and care about what is going on with my life. Not just urging me vehemently to tell their story and speak their thoughts. Yet when they go, it is almost like they have opened a void in me. One that at times like this, when I feel so isolated, alone, and far away from the ones that I love...I wish had remained closed.

I love these people so dear to my heart with a PASSION!! BUT..and there is a but, much like the quote, there are times I find myself LONGING to be elsewhere when they are around. Not VERY often, but it does happen. Anyone who has any creativity in them at all knows what I mean. You just get the URGE to work. You have a brilliant idea and you want to run with it, but you feel obligated to ‘play with others.’ The more time that goes by when you are socializing, the more restless you become. After a long period of time, you seem to go through some sort of writing withdraw. At least I do. After my muses have gone from whispering, to shouting, to tantrums and rage, they sit with their lip curled and a discontented growl. I tend to start to feel much the same way.

Writing often seems to me to be a double edged sword. It is a solitary work, that often leaves you spending many hours alone. Maybe you do it so much, you want to be alone, but no one likes to be alone all of the time. I love spending time with loved ones....I guess just not too much. I NEED to write when I get the urge. Lucky for me, they have come to understand this and accept it. It’s not depression that makes me stay holed up for days and cut conversations short, it’s a HUNGER that needs sated. It’s the times they don’t understand, I feel guilted into sitting on a couch pretending to stare at the pictures on the screen though my mind is a million miles away, or nights like now when I WANT someone to talk to that the above quote rings eerily true.

With all of these odd emotions brewing, I think it would be a good time to work some more on Inferno. By most beloved work...my Baby. Inferno is based mainly on Dino Ortolani and OZ. Such a rage-a-holic, Dino is a tormented soul prone to express it through violence. Seems there is only one place for both of us that can truly be called home and not be alone...and that is Angst Anonymous. Like I said, writing is often a double edged sword.

~ "I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas; they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the color of my mind." ~Emily Bronte Englist novelist.

Dreams....are they merely the unconscious wishes of our soul? Are they warnings, advice from some unseen force, or just a side effect from a mind too busy to shut down even when the body does? Many people have had dreams come true in one form or another. Some dream in vivid colors, some in black in white, and even a few unfortunate souls claim to never dream at all. My favorites are the people who not only dream while asleep, but in their waking hours. The writers, the poets, the artists, the children playing make believe games. I think it is dreamers that grace the world with their visions and provide much needed distraction and a form of enjoyment from the grueling routine and reality of day to day life.

Whatever these slide shows are that play at night, I am forever grateful to them. They reunite me with friends and family that are no longer here, they stir long lost memories and inspire new passions. It’s like catching a free movie every night, often with yourself as a starring role. So many times, a dream has prompted me to pick up the phone and get in touch with a friend, to treasure those around me a little more, or to pick up my pen and write. The few hours before dawn each night when I close my eyes and drift away are often some of my most inspiring hours. The time when muses whisper in your ear and guide you along the way.

Some dreams, like a well composed song, can haunt you for a life time. Some play pleasantly on your mind, lingering through out the day like a sweet kiss. Often, they are reminders that life is short, beautiful, and something to be lived; not taken for granted. So...here’s to the dreamers of the world...may they find you and may you have the courage to follow them.

   ~Writing is a solitary occupation. Family, friends, and society are the natural enemies of the writer. He must be alone, uninterrupted, and slightly savage if he is to sustain and complete an undertaking.~Jessamyn West

For the most part...I could not have said it better myself.  At least pertaining to my own situation.  I tend to be a really solitary person.  I live in my own little world 90% of the time and honestly, prefer it that way.  Writing though, has not yet become and occupation (maybe someday if the literary Gods smile on me) but an obsession.  I LIVE to write.  Somedays it is the only thing that keeps me going. 

There are days when I can sit at my keyboard for hours, my fingers moving quickly and things come to me so easily, and others where I stare at the wall.  The good days...are a mixture of that quote.  When I am on a roll, I hate to be interrupted.  It's just me, my music, and the words in my head.  Interruptions do have a tendancy to make me a bit savage in those cases.  I can go from a quiet form in the corner, spilling out my life's blood in words to a raging inferno in .5 seconds flat. 

It's not that I don't love my family or even the unfortunate friend that breaks the flow.  It's that they have broken the thing that I strived so hard to get in the first place.  Ten minutes of quiet...let alone silence is NOT something that comes often or easily in my house. 

So, yeah...family and friends can become the enemy when you write.  Nothing is worse than knowing you are on a roll only to have it be broken and totally lose your train of thought or the delicious images in your mind...to be told something stupid and unimportant like it is raining.  Or because the cat thinks that the letters going across the screen rapidly are a form of amusement for it.  Hey!  It's not like I was actually TRYING to do anything here!  Just walk across the keyboard...no problem!

There is one exception.  One major inexplicable one...I can't write without my Twin around!  I feel no inspiration when I can't get online and the only way to fix that was to pick up the phone and gab with her.  Still, I would find myself writing a sentence or two only to find myself DESPERATE to know what she thought.  Was it good?  Was I on the right track or was my story quickly turning into a marketable form of drug free sleep aide?  LOL..sounds pathetic, I know!!!  But it is TRUE!  Its almost like I need her stamp of approval on everything I am writing or its meaningless!  Maybe I am just the ultimate feedback whore or *GASP* I really am a PRAG and need someone to hold my hand every step of the way in my literary life! 

I was just wondering if any one else out there has similar experiences.  Do you feel volatile if you are interrupted when you are doing something?  It doesn't have to be writing, just a certain activity when you think by all rights and means...HEAVEN and EARTH should go OUT of their way to accomodate you and leave you BE? Is there one person who is not only immune to that wrath, but welcome to interrupt no matter what?  Who's opinion is almost vital to you being able to continue?

I know many turn to their editors or family for guidance...I think every writer has that one special reader or person in their life who's approval they seek over all others.  The one who will flat out tell you something sucks so you don't make a fool out of yourself by sharing it...who has priceless suggestions and an impartial objective view on your work.  If not, you need to find one...even after the 50 plus corrections and the bald patches when you pull your hair out in frustration trying to find the RIGHT way to go about things

...I think you will still find them a Godsend.

Yeah that's right kiddies....cringe in fear...shudder...weep for all the good it will do you!  ROFL  After a draining move and some minor rennovations...I have finally gotten my lifeline reinstalled.  WEG  I can't even put into words how GREAT it feels to be able to chat with my TT again and write and read all of the works that I loved indulging in before.  There were a lot of people that I grew to know and consider friends as well and I can't wait to touch bases with them again.  It's hard to explain just how damn happy the NET makes me, but it does!  I don't have too much to say for right now except..YES YES YES!!!!  FINALLY!!!  I'm sure later or maybe even tomorrow I will have some more insightful thoughts.  I thought it was only fiar to give the rest of the world fair warning and give them time to dive for shelter and hide in their little holes!  LOL  ~until next time~ B

I don't know.  All I do know is this is my journal and I have been undergoing some serious break downs in private.  I need to think aloud and get things off of my chest.  It seems crazy, to even be sad in my position.  I mean, I have a great family.  My mother, God bless her heart has done a pretty damn good job raising me and I think we are closer than any mother and daughter I know.  I'm buying my first home and it is well over 100K.  Hell of a starter home.  At 25, my income is now in the triple digits...but I'm not happy.  I feel so empty inside.  There is so much truth to the saying that money can't buy happiness.  Even though I look around and am doing so much better than almost anyone I know...I would trade places with them in a heart beat.

I try to fill all the voids in my life with superficial relationships.  With keeping myself so busy that I don't have time to think.  School...family...work...writing.  All I have managed to do is run myself into the ground with exhaustion and stess.  I read that Ryan is much the same way, and I wonder if maybe it isn't for the same reasons.  If I have five minutes to myself, I guarantee that my mind will wander and my heart will break.  How can one person who has so much feel that way?  It's actually a very simple answer, really.  Lonliness...the feeling of never really being complete.

I have my mother.  That's really it.  I think.  Those of you that know me, know yeah, I share my house with a man one or two nights a week if that.  It's so hard to go through life and not have anyone to really share it with.  Not the laughter, not the joy, not the tears.  Absense doesn't bother me...it's the fact that even when I do see him...we don't do those things.  I think sometimes it's just convenient for both of us...I do my thing, he does his.  I take care of him when he's around and he takes care of me when he isn't.  All the money in the world can't replace love or fill the void inside.  It just doesn't and any woman who thinks it does or would trade one for the other is insane.  I don't know what to do.  Sometimes, I just crave love so much...attention...just someone knowing that I am alive.  I'm someone who exists and is worth knowing.

I'm more brave in here than in person.  I feel like this is private because only maybe one person who REALLY knows me and who I am reads this.  Otherwise, I guess I'm a hard person to really get close to.  I must be..I don't know.  I have tons of aquaintances, but I sat down and thought about this last night.  I only have one FRIEND.  One person that I can talk to about anything, besides my mom.  That if I am lonely, I can pick up the phone and call.  Sometimes, I just want to talk...to hear another person's voice, have a conversation. 

I don't know why that is.  There are very few people that I have been close with in my life.  One is out of the country with her husband and has been for the last few years.  When she comes home, it's great...when she's gone, it's like a tiny part of me is missing.  The rest of them...for some reason or another, at one point has turned around and bit me in the ass.  I guess I have a cursed knack for only believing the best about people when I do begin to feel close to them.  Once I do, I will love ya to death and become VERY loyal.  I would die for my friends.  Heh...they tend to be the ones that kill me though.

I just feel like I am wandering through life alone.  Very...and completely alone.  How much can one girl do with her mom?  MY mom is the coolest, funniest person.  I get my humor from her, and I do tend to be the life in a room.  I have loved men that turned out to be utter monsters.  Loved ones I couldn't have for one reason or another...and lost most of my friends in life.  I have tried to figure out why...what I was doing wrong and the only thing I can think of was I love too much.  I will do anything for someone I care about...things I don't want to do...be unhappy just to see them smile.  People take advantage of that.  People also take for granted the people who care about them.  Its human nature.

So anyway...here I am, thinking about my mom.  She is dying.  Slowly, not as fast as with cancer, but from a disease just the same.  She has emphysema, glycoma...acid reflux...God my poor mom.  she already has health problems from not getting enough oxygen.  That is what really drove home the fact that I am losing her.  Then she tells me and the family that when she can't breathe anymore, that's it.  She made us swear that we would not let the doctors hook her up to breathing machines.  So now, everyday, I look at this woman, who I love more than anything in this entire fucking world...and know that someday, I am going to have to watch her die a horrible death right before my eyes.  It fucking kills me.  I would do anything to trade places with her.  I try to make the most of each day...spend lots of time with her and make her smile...but I don't think I will make it without my mom.  What will I have left? 

I think of the only friend I really have.   Sometimes, I get so scared that I will say or do something wrong.  Every day, I thank God for her, but remind myself that I don't need to call her everyday.  I'm afraid of smothering her.  Of seeming too needy.  I distance myself, but then things just feel different.  I don't have a best friend.  Maybe I don't need one.  I have a "sister" and a mom.  One, I never see and the other one is slipping away from me.  I think of the friends I have lost.  Four to car accidents...some to life period.  Death sucks, it is the one thing that you can't chase away and it has always haunted me and my loved ones closely.  It may sound dramatic, but since I was 8, I have lost a total of 10 immediate family members and 4 very close friends. 

I have been listening to this song and God it ripps me up because it is how I feel about so many people in so many different ways.  Some I will never be able to reach out to again and say that to...I'm not normally a pop girl..nor do I care for boy bands at all, but this one touched my heart deeply.  Until next time...

Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can’t find no rest
Where I’m going is anybody’s guess

I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It’s written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake

I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

I don’t mean to drag it on, but I can’t seem to let you go
I don’t wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)

I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

Incomplete

That song, just the titel of it truly is how I feel about my life right now.  I am extremely tired, so just for those of you that know me, care, or are even remotely interested...YES I AM STILL ALIVE!!!  LOL

I have just been so busy lately I hardly know up from down.  I enrolled in college in March..Or maybe it was April.  LOL  Anyways, I am working on getting an Associate's Degree in Criminal Justice.  Add to that house hunting, finally finding the PERFECT house and getting ready to move, not to mention an extremely demanding ( and that is an understatement that anyone who has had a phone conversation with me in the last 4 months can verify) 23 month old...and I have had no me time, let alone the time I need to do the things I have to do.  We are all set to close on the house May 16th...12 days before my 26th birthday.  I am elated.  We have moved 9 times in the last 8 years and never owned our own home before.  This one is stunning...11 rooms.  Family room with a stone fire place, custom made cabinets that are unbeliveable....some of them with etched glass and light up inside.  Matching ones that are china cabinets built into the family room.  Living room, dining room, music room, 4 beedrooms, 2 bathrooms and an office.  I never imagined we would be able to buy our own home with all of the med problems I have had, let alone such a nice one and in an ab fab neighborhood...not to mention the added bonus of being next to the fireman's house.  The fire station has a house where the firemen live when they are on duty so there is potential hottie spotting...erm...I mean no.  So just to answer any questions...I am still alive and actually very happy.  I love ya (to my friends and you know who you are) and I even managed to get a new chapter finished today that I started ohhh 2 months ago.  LOL  Anywhooo.....life is for once going great for me and I hope you all can say the same.

That last entry was pretty depressing even from my standpoint.  I really don't want to leave things off like that.  It wasn't meant to bring anyone down or even a bid for sympathy.  Everyone's life is full of trials, pain, and difficulties.  It was just what was on my mind at the moment.  I can make you all laugh though, I swear!

If you take a look above, you will see a neopet link.  Mwahahaha!  I was really bored last week caught in the throes of writer's block.  That was the cure.  It's pretty fun and I love the mini games.  ANYWHO...that little Eyrie, his name is Rymon Seawell.  That is the lovechild pet of my Cresty and Simon muses.  Ryan/Simon =Rymon.  Seacrest/cowell=Seawell.  Pretty funny huh?  Maybe no, LOL but it amused me and my muses.  The funny thing is, I swear that bird KNOWs who he is and it ACTS like Ryan!  Fucking metrosexual ninny of a pet!

He won't eat junk food...I groomed him and he said, "Yay!  Thanks, I look pretty good.  Can we go play some games now?"  I was like WHOA...WTF??  Yeah...my bird takes after Ryan.  LMAO.  He sulks if he doesn't get new presents or clothes or enough attention.  He pouted about not having a house and told me he wanted a pretty mansion.  It is supposed to be a MALE bird!  ROFL..

Ahh well.  The great news is that my writer's block is over.  I got a new chapter of Simon Says posted last week and am working on a new one.  Soooo....really, I am not as down and gloomy as that last post sounded.  Sometimes we just have to get certain things off of our chests and that was one of them!  I'm outta here to write!

~Cuz I'm broken when I'm open and I don't feel like I am strong enough.  Cuz I'm broken when lonesome and I don't feel right when you're gone away.  Cuz I'm broken when I'm lonesome and I don't feel right when you're gone.  You've gone away, you don't feel me anymore.~ Seether & Amy Lee~ Broken

This is one of the most beautiful songs ever.  I'm listening to it now, thinking about so many things with such a mixture of emotions that it will be hard to put them into words.  I will try.

Yesterday, everyone from my mother's side of the family got together to celbrate St. Patrick's day as a family.  All except for the part that lives in PA.  We had a wonderful time eating, talking, and laughing all day.  MY mom really went all out on her decorating.  We enjoyed a traditional Irish dinner of corned beef, mashed potatoes, and cooked cabbage and carrots.  Afterwards, my cousins, mother, aunt, dad, and I all sat in the dinining room drinking chocolate raspberry coffee and savoring cinnamon sugar topped pisatchio pudding cake.  We go to reversing all of our names and laughing so hard we cried.  For example my dad's name ended up being Drawde Sicnarf.  LMAO.  Several times, I sat back and looked around at the beauty of these moments and my mother's house in all of it's festive glory and really missed my grandma.  She died two days before mother's day almost 6 years ago.  I was 8 months pregnant with my daughter Jamie at the time.

It was all very sudden.  For a few months, she had been complaining that her leg hurt.  One day, she collapsed.  She was hospitalized and very sick.  She had a blood clot in her leg that had broken up and traveled into her upper body.  There was nothing they could do.  For two weeks, I traveled back and forth from Clinton, where I was living at the time to Cleveland.  My son still remembers tossing pennys into the fountain at the hospital as I sat tossing them in one after another wishing and praying that she would get better.  The blood clots caused my grandmother to go into multi system organ faliure and she went into a coma.  They kept her on high doses of morphine to dull the pain and for a few days she was on a ventilator in ICU.  The day before she died, I went in and told her how much I loved her and tried so hard not to cry as I held her hand.  I told her that she was going to be with the angels that she loved so much and not to be scared.  I told her how much I wished that she could see the new great grandchild that she had been looking forward so much and asked her to look after her and be her angel.  I lost a child shortly before I got pregnant with Jamie, and I asked her to tell that baby how much I loved it and to look after it until I got to meet it someday.  Two days later, on mother's day, we were at her wake. 

I had my daughter a little over a month later.  Her arrival dulled the still very new pain of my grandmother's passing for the family.  Since I had a C-section, I came home 3 days later to my mother's so she could help to take care of me and Michael, who was only 2 at the time while Jim was at work.  Three days out of the hospital, my aunt Jackie called to say that my cousin Joey and his girlfriend were killed in a car accident.  I can't even beging to describe the devestation my family felt.  Just a month and a half agao, we were all together, burrying the woman we loved so much, and here we were again so soon...

Anyway...yesterday, I thought often of my grandmother and how much she loved the holidays and food.  She LOVED to eat.  I know she is often with us in spirit.  I know she watches after us all and I dream of her often.  As happy as yesterday was, it wasn't the same without her.  There will always be a part of the table where I look at with longing.  She is loved and she is missed dearly.  She was a beautiful, strong, Irish woman who loved her family and I hope that we will all be reunited again someday.  She would be happy at how close we all have become since her and Joey's death.  That taught us how much we love and need each other.

My son is very sick today with a high fever.  His little cheeks are all flushed and his eyes have that glossy, bleary look.  He's napping now.  Jim left this morning for North Carolina and then is dead heading out to D.C.  I will most likely not see him again until Thursday night...and that is if they don't work Friday.  So this song only seemed so fitting with all of the things weighing on my mind and heart right now.  It applies to the ones that we have lost and miss.  It applies to the ones that are still with us, but gone, even if only for the moment.  Some people we love so much, that we truly are broken without them.  Lonliness is a horrible thing to go through.  I can't tell you how much I savor my friends for that very reason.  Bless them for keeping me comapny so often, and making sure that I am okay.  I would be lost without them.

This wasn't really a rant, but I do feel better for having said it.  I'm going to go write some more.  I got another chapter of SS done and I am dying to get to the meat of the story!  Yeaaaaahhhhh!  Have a great Monday ya'll.

  Hmm where to start.  Friday is girls' night and like usual, I had a blast chatting with my sisters and my TT.  We have so much fun when we all get together to chat.  It's so wonderful just to joke and laugh with them, cry, or to vent, unwind, and get things off the chest.  We wound up having quite a few conversations with some very interesting topics.  There is something so fascinating about learning different people's point of view on things.  I don't know what I would do without them and hopefully I will never find out!  LOL

I'm not feeling all that great today.  My son, poor kid, was SICK last night.   I can deal with rubbing his back and soothing him.  It's when they don't make it to the bathrrom and you have to clean THAT up, that doesn't agree with me.  I have been nauseous since last night and it's not getting any better.  He on the other hand is feeling MUCH better and is happily playing his Game Cube at the moment.  I'm hoping that it was nothing we ate, though the girls both seem just fine.  Healthy as can be. 

My husband is at a company meeting.  No doubt so his boss can tell everyone how he stepped up.  They purchased him a new truck and a new trailer that will carry ten cars.  I'm proud of him, I guess.  LOL I'm struggling with mixed feelings.  This will mean even more time on the road for him and he's already gone so much.  However it will at LEAST push our income up another 30 grand a year.  AT LEAST.  He won't be transporting salvaged cars anymore just new and dealer trades.  If he has to do a run to California, I guess it will be like a week, but it pays him 3 thousand.  LMAO...trying to be funny, I asked him if he could just do those for like six months straight and then we could pay cash for that house we have been wanting.    We shall see what happens I guess.  I will say one thing about my hubby.  With respect, he is very materialistic when it comes to him and his family.  It was just the way he was raised.  To him it's all about how much money we have, if we have the newest and best.  I personally would rather have him around more, but...no matter how hard I have tried, I can't make him see that while necessary, money is not what really sustains people or makes the world go around.  This undoubtedly means that he will just try to spoil me and the kids even more to make up for his absence. 

I really think that's why I write SO much.  It is such an escape for me, a break from my life.  I can go where ever I want to with the characters I want to.  I can forget for a while, the part of me that is feeling so incomplete.  Escape from the kids.  LOL I love them, but when Jim decided to take this job to begin with, I made the choice not to work.  He told me if I wanted to I would be able to stay home, and I did.  I have not had a "JOB" in four years, if you don't call running an immaculate house and looking after three kids full time a job.  I wanted them to have someone there for them at all times.  To at least have one parent they could rely on to be there no matter what.  We make more than my parents do, but my mom was always home with me.  I was closer to her because of it.  Now...that I am grown, I TRULY see what a sacrifice that was.  What a gift...and I love her and respect her even more for it.  Part of me LONGS to be in the working world.  To have that escape and independence, not to mention socialization.  I think in the end though, maybe, just maybe...this could be more rewarding.  To ME personally.  Not everyone CAN or even wants to stay home with their kids and that is a choice.  I commend moms either way.  Either road is filled with sacrifice and the same duties and gifts.  Maybe the grass is always greener on the other side.  I would like to work when the Buggle goes to school.  We shall see.  Maybe by then, I will just be ESTATIC to have 7 whole hours all to myself.  OHH THE PEACE AND QUIET!!!

Well, I think I am done opening up for a while and my TT just signed on. YAAYNESS!  I'm going to try to write and not think about how terribly much this song is making me thing of Jim and our life.

Please take a minute of your time to humor me.  I have created a little poll that you can easily find to your UHMMM *checks hands* LEFT under the MUST SEE! links.  Who knows, you might even get a laugh out of it or a sick, twisted chuckle.

These questions will be changing MONTHLY though you can vote DAILY.  At the beginning of every month, I will change the questions and post the percentage results of the previous one.  So, rack up the points for your favorite answers!  All results are anonymous for my ermmm...YOUR privacy and saftey! 

About ten minutes before American Idol...the results show.  I am NOT a happy camper.  I woke up this morning to find that Bandit had chewed my keyboard cord!  I had to run to Wal_Mart and get a new one.  HE RUINED TT DAY!  I got no writing done today.  I had to move my entire computer stand and all it's components in the living room, hook them up and so on.  Then..My mom wanted to help me spring clean.  We got the kid's room completely cleaned.  4 bags of junk toys trashed and three to go to Goodwill.  Hey!  They can put LIDS on their toy boxes now and their rooms are spotless. 

ROFL.  Before I tore aprat everything, my mom sat down at my desk.  Word Perfect was open because I had been trying to work on Hemorrhage last night.  She sat down and started reading it.  I think I purpled.  I really do.  LMAO.  She was like is this your writing?  Hahaha!  I looked around wishing I could blame it on someone!  DAMN Ry and Simon MUSES ANYWAY!  I was like uhm..yeah but don't read that one mom!  That's my slash story about Cresty and Simon!  I shooed her out and put up Simon Says for her.  She really enjoyed it but was lost as to what the hell snark meant.    Seems a common point of confusion.  LOOK IT UP!  LOL

Well last night was funny as could be and pretty inspirational for Hemorrhage.  Ry and Si started in on eachother right off the bat.  Ryan calling him boring and little baby blue.  Then Simon saying that girl looked the part, did everything right, but had about as much appeal as Seacrest!  WHOOP!  SHHHNAP!  Poor Ryan looked stunned and for a moment I thought he was going to choke Simon when he lunged at the table.  Instead, he cooled him off by dousing him with water.  *snickers* YOU ACT LIKE IT'S THE FIRST TIME YOUR PANTS HAVE BEEN WET!....wait what? *looks for mind in the gutter*  Ahh those two. 

Well I must go and see if my vote for Anthony Federov made the grade.  I want him around so I can wallow in the smut of my slashy mind.  WEG.  Catch ya'll later.